Tuesday, April 26, 2005


Today was a fun Monday. I dropped my car off at the Honda service dept. this morning to get the outlet0 fixed (it has never worked). Anyway, they have a shuttle service, so they dropped me off at work (about 5 minutes away). I called in when I was ready to be picked up after work, and they said the driver would leave in five minutes. Over an hour later, and several phone calls, they finally called me a taxi, which didn't show up for another 20 minutes. I felt kinda sorry for the driver. He seemed a bit new to (1) the English language, (2) the operation of an automobile, specifically as it pertains to staying in a lane, (3) the local geography and (4) corporate accounts, in which a third-party business and not the passenger pays the fare (which was eventually returned to me, but only afer I got back from BSF). I was late to BSF, but I caught most of the talk, and I was able to pick up next week's lesson.

And I have a headache.


I fear that I'm a nerd. Well, I know that I'm a nerd, and I'm actually proud of many of my nerdy qualities, but I'm referring to the negative aspects of nerdiness. Specifically, tonight at BSF I heard an expression to describe my experience lately: "spiritual pocket-protector poindexter." It resonated with me because it's something that I've seen in my myself: the inability to relate to others on a social level, paired with the pathetic attempt to compensate by showing off all my vastly 'interesting' knowledge and expertise. I don't think I'm showing off, but I get the feeling that's how a lot of people perceive my attempts to relate. In return, I get pity gestures, but no real attempt at a meaningful rapport.

It feels like I'm that kid who tries to act like a grown-up, and bosses all the other kids around (*ahem* you know who you were ;-D */ahem*), only in the spiritual sense. What am I supposed to do though? Stunt my own growth so as to fit in? I've already learned that lesson, thankyouverymuch. Not that I presume think I'm some spiritual colossus among dwarves: I've seen true spiritual maturity in certain individuals, and it pains me to think that I'm somehow unable to commune in a meaningful way with my peers except in islands and glimpses.

This last conference felt, in some ways1, like getting a big box in the mail, only to find after hours of rummaging that it only contains packing peanuts. In this case, I'm happy to say that at least I came away with two sticky boards.2

Yes, it was a bit depressing. No, I am not depressed.

One nice thing about that and the one after it weekend was that I got to spend some time having fun with kids. I also got to see Dr. Al and apostle Paul.

0 You can't call them cigarette lighters anymore, because they don't have one in it unless you get one installed. It's just a power outlet.
1 Certainly not in all ways, though.
2 You had to be there.


  1. The lack of activity at fake hicks lake was kind of a downer. I think that yp have the maturity they just don't want to jump in when they are needed in bible studies, open meetings, etc. I think fear is a big factor. Anyway, look on the bright side of things.

  2. Tim, I think there is a healthy balance. Not all of the young people will grow at the same time and in the same ways. We may not all be given the same gifts. I don't think you need to stop your spiritual growth to fit in. Meeting others where they are is not necessarily stunting your growth. It may in fact be the kind of growth that you are looking for.

  3. I wish i had such nerdish qualities...I envy you